Italy, I love you, but I have to say this: your drivers are mentalists.
Being a Brit, no matter where I travel, 90% of the time I’m on the “wrong” side of the road. Because the rest of you drive on the daft side.
But leaving that aside, Italy, even when I’m used to driving on the daft side of the road, you’re still all crazy.
You love to take blind corners on my side of the road. You don’t seem to care that I’m coming towards you at speed and I have to slam my breaks on. Your roads are crazy windy enough without you coming at me with a seeming desire for writing your car off.
Speaking of your roads. I know you have hills and everything. And you need windy roads for hills. But seriously. Sometimes I feel like I’m the second bloke in a rally car telling the driver what’s coming up next and how fast to take the hairpin. And another thing Hairpin bends – I haven’t seen this many hairpins since I was 7.
Your road signs. My lord, will you make your mind up about what speed you want me to go? One minute you tell me it’s 100 and quite literally 40 yards later it’s 80. But none of the other drivers seem to care, so I’m not sure I need to.
Speaking of road signs, feel free to stick those temporary roadworks signs a bit more into the lane I’m in, so that I need to swerve even more to avoid smacking into them at 100kph.
Drivers – See those orange lights on your car? They’re for when you change direction.
And seriously, people. Phones. They’re dangerous. Honestly. No wonder you’re veering all over the road. It’s because you’re talking to your mate on your mobile while your other hand is steering. It’s not big and it’s not clever. Put your phone down when driving.
Final note to self: never again accept an upgrade from the Italian car hire people. I was right when I chose a small Fiat Panda. I do not want an SUV thanks very much. These ancient city roads weren’t built SUV size.